I lay on the couch for fifteen minutes

& feel guilty about it		because nothing

is accomplished & I don’t feel better.

I am losing all cognitive & temporal control

of this day / I can’t even get my voice back

from the radio playing the same songs

relentlessly convincing me of what to love.

I only hear myself in simple time	simple

words together 	     smooth & so hard to

discern.	People can be trained to think of you

as a happy & sociable person even if the evidence

suggests otherwise     is something I tell a co-worker

to explain why I will not go to the holiday party.

I do go to the holiday party but I don’t stay long. 

I will dismantle the center of the world

& write about love because it’s all that makes sense

when there are all these pieces / I try hard

to say something new & sometimes I do

but mostly I settle for saying the same thing

in a different way.		The facts aren’t in my favor.