The Falling in Love with the Wrong Person System (for C.C.)

Meet a girl who is totally wrong for you. Like her instantly and intensely. Try spending all your time with her. When she is not available, Google stalk her. Compile useless bits of historical trivia about her. Find out what her extracurriculars were in college. Think of her so often that you begin to perform poorly at work and in sports, but try, for the “sake of your friendship” to “just act normal” when she’s around. Do not act normal. Act clingy and desperate. Make sure that you are always sitting a little too close to the girl. This will make her feel claustrophobic in your presence, and she will want to spend less and less time with you and will sit further and further away. Take time spent away from the girl to reflect on your feelings and behavior. You can also use this time to buy her personalized gifts. Meditate on the inevitability of heartbreak and decide to take pleasure in the simple fact of your affection for her. Write her a poem.